Thursday, April 21, 2011


I'm not sure when it ends. All I know is that when I look back at the person I was a year ago, I barely recognize her. And when I consider who I was even four years ago - when I was eighteen - I just can't believe it. I'd call fifteen-to-seventeen-year-old-me young and naive. And I'd probably like to punch many of my old me's in the face.

I guess that's the point of living, isn't it? Learning. We grow up... we change... we (hopefully) become better people.

Though I can't be sure. Sometimes I feel like I'm backtracking, instead of moving forward. I'm a sour old goat sometimes. I'm mean. I'm petty. I'm jealous. I'm selfish. I'm awkward. I'm a control freak. Then I try and I try and I try and I really have a sense of improvement... but eventually I get discouraged and fall into my sour old habits.

I'm not a fan of change, anyway. Call me a nerd, but I think what I loved about Anakin Skywalker most (during my crazy-obsessive Star Wars phase) was the fact that he was just. like. me. He hated - abhorred - change. I feel the same way. That's probably just part of my inner control freak.

I was watching these people ride down the highway on a motorcycle the other day and had to think about the one and only time I've ridden on a motorcycle.

I. Was. Terrified.

But I wasn't driving. And I seriously questioned the driving skills and responsibility of the operator of said motorcycle. I was rather convinced I was going to die.

At the same time, I want a motorcycle. I wanna drive one - I wanna see what it feels like to rip down the highway weaving in and out of traffic. Because then, I will be in control. Is it more that I'm a control freak or that I have serious trust issues? It goes back to the old adage, If you want something done right, do it yourself... That's pretty much how I feel, I guess. I feel like I have to do everything myself. I grew up like that, pretty much taking care of myself.

I really, truly trust no one - not completely.

But enough self reflection for tonight. It's starting to make my brain boil. And that's never safe, is it?

Good night, all.

Tuesday, April 12, 2011

Way Away From Here...

I'm kinda feeling like it'd be great to just not be here right now.

I have a two year old hollering at/for me from the other room because she apparently doesn't believe that sleep is conducive to healthy growth. Well, what the hey, kid, stay up all night! Don't forget to drink your coffee to give you that boost! You're gonna want it. Oh and I heard Adult Swim has good programming.

Le sigh. I'm all out of sarcasm.

SO. The last time I updated this, I was very, very early pregnant. And I don't think I was telling people at that point. Mostly for fear of another miscarriage. (Two in one year kinda makes you leery.) BUT as it turns out, we are still incubating a very healthy and big boy who is due to make his appearance July 2, 2011. (As if he really cares what date my OB has picked out.) As I type, I am seven months pregnant. And wow.

Seven months pregnant. I have two months left to go until he is considered fully baked and could pop out at any minute.

Things are not quite in order. We're rearranging bedrooms. First of all, Pookie will have the bigger room (formerly a junk room) - once we get around to cleaning it out, that is. She also has our old full size bed because we came to realize that, with a toddler in the house, a full size bed is just suddenly NOT big enough. Hence, our lovely queen size mattress. Which means that Bean (our affectionate nickname for the new booger) will have Pookie's old crib and changing table set. I'm undecided about her dresser, though... It all matches, and her dresser also matches the bookshelf my uncle made for her... Ahhh but I digress.

I've decided how to decorate the nursery, at the very least! Mr. and Mrs. Pond Nursery-to-Go Set (: It's a 10-piece set that comes with the bedding, wall hangings, a valance, and a diaper stacker. And I happen to think it's adorable. I've seen various prices online; so far the cheapest (of course) is Wal-Mart. Which is convenient cuz that's where I've set up my registry. I don't wanna be greedy and ask for a lot of big expensive things so, just like last time, I picked out a bunch of inexpensive gifts - but I did throw on the co sleeper and travel set... ya know. Just in case ;) I get the feeling, though, that the registry will not be used... just like last time. I spose we shall see.

AND we have also found Pookie's new bedroom set... we think. We've picked InStyle Candi Bed in a Bag. The good thing about it is that we can throw Dora pillows and posters up to match, and when she outgrows Dora, we'll take it out and turn it into an older girls' room... withOUT buying all new bedding! Thanks to one of my coworkers for THAT idea!

I'm pretty excited about all these changes and redecorating. It's a good distraction from the fact that in just a few months, our lives are going to be all turned upside down... again. Except this time it'll be Pooker's life too. I'm excited... and a bit anxious. Honestly, I know I've done all this before, but I feel like I'm starting ALL over. I don't know what to expect!

Sigh. As one of my friends posted as her Facebook status this evening... Que sera sera.

Whatever will be will be.

Signing off, loved ones. Hope I can keep updating more often. It's a good outlet.

(P.S. I think Pookmonster is down for the count! Hurrah!!)