Wednesday, December 23, 2009

We lost the pregnancy.

And, really, it's okay. I've had plenty of time to think about it. I took an entire week off work. (I was SO ready to go back - hah!)

Maybe it's just not time to have another one. I know that Jehovah knows better than I do. It's not known whether or not Jehovah will return babies lost before birth to their mothers in the new system. Somehow I am okay with that. If he sees fit, I know that he will give me the pregnancy back. It could be that there never was a "real" baby to begin with. In my humble opinion, it's better to lose a baby earlier than later in the pregnancy after you can feel the baby kick.

At any rate, things are going a lot better now :)

This has taught me a lot, though.

I've learned that I really can't rely only on myself all the time. I have a tendency to withdraw into a shell when things go wrong. I don't like to be around others, and I don't like to put my emotions on display. This, however, was something I couldn't handle on my own. I had to open myself up to others and let out my frustration and disappointment before I could move on. That was pretty hard for me to do, and I will admit, it was done quite begrudgingly ;)

I also learned that I need to rely on Jehovah more. In hard times, I pull away from him as well. I neglect prayer, and this usually ends with me engaging in self destructive behavior, doing things I know I ought not, as a way out of the close, personal relationship I usually strive to maintain with our Creator. As a parent, I can only imagine how hurtful this must be. Thankfully, I caught myself this time. I don't think I ever fully understood why I did the things I've done. Now, I get it. I can't really explain it, but I get it. I know that I don't have to go down that road anymore. It's like a light bulb turning on in my head.

I didn't take my Celexa at all last week either. Now I almost can't remember why I stopped. I know now that, though I admire those that can handle their depression well without medication, I'm not ready to stop taking Celexa. Sometimes, hearing stories of how others can kick it in the butt without happy pills makes me feel inadequate somehow. That's not at all true. I am strong for realizing that I need help. There are so many people I know that are too proud to admit that they need help. I think it's a positive trait.

I cut my hair and had my husband do highlights :) I am moving onto another chapter of my life. I thought I wanted a baby. Now I'm not so sure. I think it would be a better idea to wait. I finally asked my doctor about NuvaRing because I can't remember to take a pill at all. I was nervous because the Depo shot made me bleed for three months straight, and I've heard lots of horrible stories about NuvaRing and its side effects. Someone also told me they hated the NuvaRing because they could feel it. Well, I can't feel it at all, and I haven't had any nausea or bleeding (yet! I hope it stays that way...) so things are looking up.

Besides that, I had my three year old niece last weekend. Add a thirteen-month-old to the picture, and you've got quite a mess on your hands. Haha.

I need to get my new camera phone so I can take pictures of my new hair. I absolutely LOVE it :D

And please, no pity, because I honestly feel great. Better than before. I feel like it was an excellent learning experience! Maybe some people might think that is a horrible way of looking at things. Guess what? It's how I cope. And I'm okay. I might have lost, but I haven't lost everything. Things aren't perfect, but they are great. I have my loving family, I have my friends, and I have my God, Jehovah. What more could a girl ask for?

Saturday, December 5, 2009

Me as a Baby (With a Baby...)

Haha apparently that's how I'd look as a baby. Hmmm.

Speaking of which.

We're pregnant! Again! :)

So we're not that far along yet, but I'm pretty excited about Baby #2 already. As amazing as Sophie has been, I can only imagine what it will be like to do it all over again. (By the way, have I mentioned how beautiful my daughter is?)

I can't wait til Sophie is as big as my 3-year-old niece. Driving down the road the other day, I asked her, "Who made the grass, Sisi?" She replied with a grin, "Jehovah."

"Who made the trees?"


And so on and so forth. It was very cute. Ahhh the joys of childhood :)

Friday, November 27, 2009

Sales and Sophie!

Today is Black Friday, which means there were huge sales everywhere. Being as I did not indulge in turkey yesterday, I figured that gave me a leg up, right? ;) After all, it just makes you tired and slows you down, and who needs that when there's SALES going on?!

A sister from our congregation, Shelly, who watches Sophie for me when I'm at work, offered to take her last night after the meeting and keep her overnight for me. I gladly accepted. Who wants a sleepy, cranky baby when you're standing in mile-long check out lines? Besides, it would be cruel to take her out Black Friday shopping this young. She'd be too heavy to carry and too little to keep up, and she'd be more than exhausted. She'd be downright hateful (NO idea where she gets THAT from - ha!). If Shelly hadn't taken her, I wouldn't have gone out at all.

Luckily, however, this gave me the opportunity to stay up alllllll niiiiiight loooooong. I don't think I've done that in years. (I'm still amazed that the clock says 10:30. I'm thinking it should be closer to 6 pm.) First stop was Tanger Outlets for the Midnight Madness sale. I over-indulged in Rue 21, but I'm as happy as a fat cow :) I got a few nice floor length dresses for the meeting (summery, so I'll have to put a jacket over them, or a shirt underneath), a sweater, a bunch of shirts for wearing under my scrub tops (I get SO cold!), and a bunch more senselessness. We went to Music for a Song and I found a t-shirt for Sophie. It's pink and advertises an old record shop down at the beach. It was $1.40. Really, who can pass that up? There wasn't much else to find down at the beach, though. I am amazed at how many people REALLY show up at midnight to shop!

Wal-Mart in Rehoboth was ridiculous. I got there just before five, and the line to get in stretched alllll the way to the back of the store. There were a bazillion state troopers out front. It was mania. I can't say that Milford Wal-Mart was any better. It was a mess, too, even though it's 24 hours. However, I got my $25 HP printer! (Thanks to my mom, who got to W-M earlier than I did.) That's awesome because our old printer with our old computer isn't compatible with Vista.

I didn't get home til 8:30 am and didn't go to sleep until after 9 am. I awoke to a banging sound. At first I thought it was my brother in law banging on my bedroom door. I didn't get up or acknowledge him because I figured maybe he might go away. Then, as I started to wake up more, I realized it wasn't my bedroom door, it was my window. The banging stopped, though, and I started to go back to sleep.

That was when I realized that my room was getting darker. I looked at the clock. It was almost 5 pm! I picked up my cell phone and groggily checked my messages. Two from Shelly, two from my husband, all letting me know that Shelly needed to drop off Sophie by 4. Um. Oops.

I called Shelly, and she gladly came back to my house to return my Pookie, who, by that time, was sleeping. Shelly explained that she thought Sophie had missed me because she had been pretty irritable all day and refused to use the potty (with which we've been having GREAT success recently!).

I got my baby inside, car seat and all, unbuckled her, and took off her jacket. She was still sound asleep, snoring in fact. Looking down at her, I was overwhelmed with an intense feeling of love and amazement. When she is awake, she is mostly silly and smiling and happy. When she is sleeping, she is quiet and peaceful and beautiful, and I can't figure out how I ever helped to make something so amazingly wonderful.

It's true that children are a gift from God.

Saturday, November 21, 2009

My Goals as a Parent

So I've seen many examples of the wrong and right way to do things, and I have come up with my list of the top five most important rules I will do my best to follow.

I use "her" in reference to my daughter, but I will hold myself to these rules with all of our (possible ;-D) future children.

5) Never take life too seriously. Don't hold her to a higher standard than she can reach. Understand her limitations. Help her reach her goals. Show her how to smile, how to laugh at herself. Pick her up when she falls until she learns how to pick herself up. Teach her joy and love. Remind her how much I love her every day. Show her peace. Raise her self esteem. Help her learn and grow. Teach her about Jehovah and what it means to have integrity. Give her faith and a reason to shine.

4) Play with her. Show her how things work and let her test things for herself. Teach her about the world around her. Let her laugh, let her play, let her be silly, let her be herself. Give her books instead of a computer. Take her to a playground instead of sitting her in front of the television. Let her pull all of her toys out her toy box but teach her to always clean up when she is done. Play peek a boo and patty cake. Tickle her until she can't breathe. Kiss her until she pushes me away. Tell her I love her until I embarrass her.

3) Take care of her when she is sick. Sit by her bed and read to her. Fix her chicken soup and feed it to her. Hold her when she cries. Stroke her forehead until she relaxes. Sing to her until she falls asleep. Fix her broken heart with kind words and understanding. Tell her I love her and kiss her goodnight, every night.

2) Never yell. Never use harsh or cruel words to express my disappointment at her shortcomings. Be honest with her. Tell her, "I love you dearly, but I am sad because you did not stop to think of the consequences this would bring upon yourself and those you care about most." Say what I mean to say. Never stoop to demeaning or belittling her for seemingly senseless acts of disobedience. Remove myself for the situation temporarily if I cannot control my temper. Help her understand why her actions are not acceptable. Remind her, always, that I love her. Help her grow into the beautiful young lady I know she will be.

And the number one rule, of course...

1) Teach her to love Jehovah. How? Read her stories about the promises he has made and show her pictures of the paradise earth we will one day enjoy. Tell her the story of Jesus and why he died for us. Help her explore God's creation, giving credit to our Grand Creator at each and every step of the way. Help her understand that when she makes mistakes, she not only disappoints me, she disappoints Jehovah as well. Teach her how to make things right with God. Make sure she understands that he loves her just as much as I do and so much more.

The main theme that threads these five rules together is LOVE.

ALWAYS love your children.


Friday, November 20, 2009

Two Big Burly Men

This story has not been confirmed, it's just one that's circulating, like most.

A sister came to the door of a man who had just murdered someone in his basement.

When the police questioned him as to why he had not murdered the Witness upon opening his door, he told them it was because she had two big, burly men with her.

The sister told the police that she was alone.

Think about THAT one.

Thursday, November 19, 2009

In Paradise...

I can't wait til the day :)

To introduce myself...

Let me start by saying that I am one of Jehovah's Witnesses.

I have a wonderful husband, a beautiful daughter, and more friends and family in the truth than I could ask for. I feel blessed each day that I wake up and realize what I have and what a beautiful relationship I have with our Creator. I have never taken the Bible and its counsel so seriously, and I am feeling the benefit of it in my life more and more each day. I understand how the prophet felt when he tried to hide and not preach the word of Jehovah. He could not hold it back anymore!

I am starting this blog as a public reminder of why I love Jehovah and why I need to stay close to him. I found a story online in a discussion board, and I felt that it was too beautiful not to repost :)

Jehovah & the Spider

During World War II, the persecution had been intense. Alone in the jungle, a brother could hear the soldiers coming in his direction. Scrambling for cover, he found his way up a high ridge to several small caves in the rock.

Quickly he crawled inside one of the caves. Although safe for the moment, he realized that once the soldiers looking for him swept up the ridge, they would quickly search all the caves and he would be killed.

As he waited, he prayed, asking Jehovah, if it be your will, please protect me. Whatever your will though, I love you and trust you.

After praying, he lay quietly listening to the enemy begin to draw close. He thought he saw a spider begin to build a web over the front of his cave. As he watched, listening to the enemy searching for him all the while, The spider layered strand after strand of web across the opening of the cave.

'Ha,' he thought. 'What I need is a brick wall and what Jehovah has sent me is a spider web. Jehovah does have a sense of humor.' As the enemy drew closer, he watched from the darkness of his hideout and could see them searching one cave after another. As they came to his, he got ready to make his last stand.

To his amazement, however, after glancing in the direction of his cave, they moved on. Suddenly, he realized that with the spider web over the entrance, his cave looked as if no one had entered for quite a while.

'Jehovah, forgive me,' prayed the young man. 'I had forgotten that in you, a spider's web is stronger than a brick wall.'

We all face times of great trouble. When we do, it is so easy to forget what Jehovah can work in our lives, sometimes in the most surprising ways. And remember with Jehovah, a mere spider's web becomes a brick wall of protection.